I preach to my people to be positive and outgoing most of the time. I actually think I do a pretty good job showing the positive side of life since that is the way I look at it. Then I wake up one morning feeling so low in energy and hope, it is difficult to understand. I have been awake since 5:00 am and as my force comes from my Creator, I have been praying and asking the Lord not to leave me today. Not today of all days, today I especially feel worn out and no matter how I analyze the situation, there seems to be a louder voice telling me that things might complicate even more before they start to improve.

As I start the day, I feel I should slow down and I even feel lazy to do things that normally I would do without any effort. I wonder what it is that blocks in our mind to make any tiny task the most dreadful thing to do. So I decide to give in and just go with the flow….. I actually am at my minds command today and will only do what my mind feels like.

As I  had depression many years ago, I wonder….. Do you really get passed that? Or  will you have some depression episodes  every now and then.  Is this the way  a mind with depression works after the first episode that actually took you to see a psychiatrist?

These low motion moods do scare us (the ones that had depression at some point in life) since we would do almost anything not to fall into the hole of depression ever again. And then we start denying the fact that for one day you could have a low energy mood. You start not allowing yourself to be how you are being for one day. How do you tell people around you that you are at the lowest energy level for the day and still expect people to understand and not make anymore questions or stupid comments.

So it becomes easier to fake being ok, so if you need to answer the phone, you put the best voice and even put a tone of excitement not to have to explain what the issue is. If the door bell rings and your neighbor comes to ask for a favor, you go out of your way to do it. You do what it takes not to have to explain to anyone how you are feeling.

One of the major problems to have a low motion mood for a day or two is to feel guilty for not doing what you are supposed to be doing. Your mind already jumps to asking you: are you going to waste your day? You need to work on your accounting, how about going to the gym to exercise and lunch…. Will you go grocery shopping today? And laundry, I could do laundry, but why? Why do laundry… oohh gosh …..

Since one of the things that actually help me when I feel these moods is writing, that is what I do, I write and put down all I could never tell anyone just not to have to deal with the answering questions or listening to what you don’t want to listen to.

So here I am listening to my classical music and writing, enjoying the freedom of putting anything I want on paper, allowing me to be slow, not to do what I am supposed to do, to feel under the weather, to eat anything even if it is not healthy, to complain, to not see the bright side of things. While writing I become brave and I allow myself to imagine how  everything is going to get worse before it improves and then I write here that even if that happens and God loves me nothing will happen to the ones I love. So I send my scare feelings to where they came from and now I can relax and enjoy my day of low motion…. Where I don’t have to do anything of what is expected of me. Lucky me, I  am alone today, husband traveling and I have the house all to myself.


Food coming out of a Hat

As time goes by, our buddies start demanding more care and food is one of the the important issues we should be careful with. So one morning I get up and I tell my husband that I had decided that from next day on, I would sleep in the guest room because I was having a hard time sleeping with his snoring. He looked at me in a defensive way and said that he was not snoring any more or less than before. At this point in life we had just moved to Brazil and we were living in Rio de Janeiro. We lived in a beautiful apartment in front of the lagoon – Lagoa Rodrigo de Freitas – and on one corner of the view there was the famous Christ Redeemer – Cristo Redentor.

I tell you, life has taken me to far far away places and I’ve seem beautiful places, but Rio is a stunning city. I am thankful because I have seen a lot of different ways of living, diferent people and diferent and delicious food all over.

Oh ok – back to what I was saying, of all the places I have seen, Rio de Janeiro is by far the most stunning city. So in my intention to fit into the way of living of Rio de Janeiro, we rented this wonderful apartment but there was a lot of noise at night and I was having a hard time with my husband’s snoring problem and the noise that came from the street was driving me crazy. So I set up an appointment with a doctor to see my husband and he comes back with the diagnostic of pre-diabetes. I was scared then. So we need it to go on a strict diet and sugars were forbidden, carbs were almost gone and so forth.

I called this friend of mine who is from Rio and ask her where they had special products for diabetics and she said that in Rio there was no a specific place to buy these things, so I started the difficult task of home-made desserts for my husband. Buying good quality or just anything out of the ordinary is an impossible task. I had my friend who lived all her life in Rio as my reference for whatever I needed it until one time when I wanted to make a paella and I was looking for mussels on the shell to buy, and she said: “Why do you insist on eating strange foods?”

That was the last time I called her and after that I realized that people from Rio do not care about good food. They will eat almost anywhere as long as it is easy to reach. They don’t crave for something they ate a long time ago, or would want to try a new recipe. So after having all these issues with food living here in Rio I simply say that locals will eat anything that could come out of a hat.