About theachesofahousewife

I was born at a time when women had all the opportunities to go to college, become someone in the professional world, do a masters, PhD and the whole combo!!! So I did, I followed the trend and I became a Social Worker, but did not see the effects of my wanting to help people in the jobs I had. Then I went back to college and graduated as Physiotherapist. So I did it! I had a great small clinic were I would see patients and I was so close to my house that It was very manageable with the help of a maid and a driver. At that point I had my kids, career, traveling..... I had it all! A beautiful family, my practice near the house and help at home to cope with the kids and house needs.... until we had to move to the United States. As life has taught me, not everything is forever... my husband´s job offered relocation to a place closer to my parents. I did not think twice, I took it and went. When I got there....... well I realized women in North America have to work two shifts, one at their job and another one at home!!! I thought I would go crazy before managing to go back to work and take care of my family. So I never did and sooner than we wanted, we had to move again, and one more time after that! So I became a full time Housewife. The doubts, the insecurities, the financial responsibility, the support for the whole family at all times.... well It has not been an easy job and I will tell you all about it here. So here I am writing to all the women that were ready for a calm life, working and raising kids and taking care of the house, but life decided otherwise. Moving internationally every time was never easy and I had my biggest aches then..... So if you had a life like mine, I would love to know about you! Adapting to new languages and places is a great experience... it is painful, but doable and makes you easy going after all.

WE NEED TO HAVE ONE DAY THAT WE DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING

I preach to my people to be positive and outgoing most of the time. I actually think I do a pretty good job showing the positive side of life since that is the way I look at it. Then I wake up one morning feeling so low in energy and hope, it is difficult to understand. I have been awake since 5:00 am and as my force comes from my Creator, I have been praying and asking the Lord not to leave me today. Not today of all days, today I especially feel worn out and no matter how I analyze the situation, there seems to be a louder voice telling me that things might complicate even more before they start to improve.

As I start the day, I feel I should slow down and I even feel lazy to do things that normally I would do without any effort. I wonder what it is that blocks in our mind to make any tiny task the most dreadful thing to do. So I decide to give in and just go with the flow….. I actually am at my minds command today and will only do what my mind feels like.

As I  had depression many years ago, I wonder….. Do you really get passed that? Or  will you have some depression episodes  every now and then.  Is this the way  a mind with depression works after the first episode that actually took you to see a psychiatrist?

These low motion moods do scare us (the ones that had depression at some point in life) since we would do almost anything not to fall into the hole of depression ever again. And then we start denying the fact that for one day you could have a low energy mood. You start not allowing yourself to be how you are being for one day. How do you tell people around you that you are at the lowest energy level for the day and still expect people to understand and not make anymore questions or stupid comments.

So it becomes easier to fake being ok, so if you need to answer the phone, you put the best voice and even put a tone of excitement not to have to explain what the issue is. If the door bell rings and your neighbor comes to ask for a favor, you go out of your way to do it. You do what it takes not to have to explain to anyone how you are feeling.

One of the major problems to have a low motion mood for a day or two is to feel guilty for not doing what you are supposed to be doing. Your mind already jumps to asking you: are you going to waste your day? You need to work on your accounting, how about going to the gym to exercise and lunch…. Will you go grocery shopping today? And laundry, I could do laundry, but why? Why do laundry… oohh gosh …..

Since one of the things that actually help me when I feel these moods is writing, that is what I do, I write and put down all I could never tell anyone just not to have to deal with the answering questions or listening to what you don’t want to listen to.

So here I am listening to my classical music and writing, enjoying the freedom of putting anything I want on paper, allowing me to be slow, not to do what I am supposed to do, to feel under the weather, to eat anything even if it is not healthy, to complain, to not see the bright side of things. While writing I become brave and I allow myself to imagine how  everything is going to get worse before it improves and then I write here that even if that happens and God loves me nothing will happen to the ones I love. So I send my scare feelings to where they came from and now I can relax and enjoy my day of low motion…. Where I don’t have to do anything of what is expected of me. Lucky me, I  am alone today, husband traveling and I have the house all to myself.

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Food coming out of a Hat

As time goes by, our buddies start demanding more care and food is one of the the important issues we should be careful with. So one morning I get up and I tell my husband that I had decided that from next day on, I would sleep in the guest room because I was having a hard time sleeping with his snoring. He looked at me in a defensive way and said that he was not snoring any more or less than before. At this point in life we had just moved to Brazil and we were living in Rio de Janeiro. We lived in a beautiful apartment in front of the lagoon – Lagoa Rodrigo de Freitas – and on one corner of the view there was the famous Christ Redeemer – Cristo Redentor.

I tell you, life has taken me to far far away places and I’ve seem beautiful places, but Rio is a stunning city. I am thankful because I have seen a lot of different ways of living, diferent people and diferent and delicious food all over.

Oh ok – back to what I was saying, of all the places I have seen, Rio de Janeiro is by far the most stunning city. So in my intention to fit into the way of living of Rio de Janeiro, we rented this wonderful apartment but there was a lot of noise at night and I was having a hard time with my husband’s snoring problem and the noise that came from the street was driving me crazy. So I set up an appointment with a doctor to see my husband and he comes back with the diagnostic of pre-diabetes. I was scared then. So we need it to go on a strict diet and sugars were forbidden, carbs were almost gone and so forth.

I called this friend of mine who is from Rio and ask her where they had special products for diabetics and she said that in Rio there was no a specific place to buy these things, so I started the difficult task of home-made desserts for my husband. Buying good quality or just anything out of the ordinary is an impossible task. I had my friend who lived all her life in Rio as my reference for whatever I needed it until one time when I wanted to make a paella and I was looking for mussels on the shell to buy, and she said: “Why do you insist on eating strange foods?”

That was the last time I called her and after that I realized that people from Rio do not care about good food. They will eat almost anywhere as long as it is easy to reach. They don’t crave for something they ate a long time ago, or would want to try a new recipe. So after having all these issues with food living here in Rio I simply say that locals will eat anything that could come out of a hat.

Becoming a Proud Witness

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When I started having my children, I dreamed about taking the best care of them and somehow shaping them  into my idea of what the best human been would be. As time went by, I realized how the little ones already come with the main traces of their personalities. We actually adapt to the little ones and all of their characteristics. No matter what they are, we love them unconditionally and we keep taking them everyday through every step they need to take.

Today my kids are grown up and taking their first steps into adulthood life. I am also older and more comfortable with my own self and cherish their way of being with complete joy every step of the way.

Today for the second time I became a Proud Witness of  my kids taking their steps into adulthood. I say proud because I really feel joy, happiness, enjoyment, emotion and a certain relief to see them walking into the future. By becoming a witness I know for sure they will be ready to face and fight for they dreams.

The first experience of being a Proud Witness was when I took my daughter to start her life in a far away place to study to become a journalist. I felt worried to leave her, but somehow I new It was her path to start her life as an adult. At the time, memories came to let me know and acknowledge that once she was mine and dependent of me. I soon put myself in the position of the Proud  Witness to let her walk into her new life.

Today I took my youngest one to start his engineering school and, boy, it was the second time I was a Proud Witness. I can only say this is the best feeling in the whole world.

I came home and started to imagine that soon, maybe sooner than I think I would have to rethink my life. I promised myself back when I was pregnant with my daughter that I would not put my life on hold just because I was becoming a Mom. Surprisingly, I forgot untill today that I was supposed to have my own life.

The great news is that I get a second chance to become whatever I want once again. Thank you kids, for teaching me that love is all in life, that taking care of others fills you up so much that when ready to plan for your life again, you feel more energy and more joy that when you had to decide what to be in your late teens.

Back to The Future in Ipanema

I was walking into a decoration store in Ipanema to find out the price of a beautifly framed picture of a small French town. As soon as I entered the store, the smell took me back at least 30 years to my grandmothers home. The sales woman kindly wanted to help me, but I could not stop thinking of how my grandma was such a beautiful part of my life and how warm and safe the feeling of having her made me feel. I felt the need to hold on to that smell and moment for the longest possible, because once I left the store I would be back to my reality, which grandma did not make part anymore. I started walking slowly through the store and taking the time to inhale bits of the perfume for as long as possible. It was like I was simply enjoying my grandma’s company for just a little longer.

As I came out of the store I,  I was surprised of how old pictures and old friends  were taking my mind so so far away and how good it all made me feel. I learned that day from my grandma that I should stop every once in a while to remember my old times. That my life as a child and when I was growing up somehow make a support system that sometimes I look for in other things to help me cope with my life.

Now I listen to old songs that take me back, look at old pictures, find old recipies and ask my Mom to tell me old stories and even looked for old friends in Facebook. I spend hours looking back and wondering what my life could have been like If hadn´t come so so far away from all that. There’s a feeling o curiosity and  well being when I just take the time to get into my time machine and travel to anytime I want. Since traveling with my time machine has turned out so simple, my life today seems to be easier to handle no matter what problems I am dealing with.

There’ just one thing I have to say here before I finish this: thank you grandma wherever you are.

Bewitched

After af full  day, I looked at the clock in my office and I saw it was already 6:18 pm. Time to stop working on my IRS and get dinner ready for the family. I have been gathering all the information to send to my accountant since February -it is not that is so complicated,  the problem is that I keep having to run errands all day long and I dont seem to have two complete hours to concentrate enough to get the data ready  to send- I am lucky I can ask for extensions so I still have several weeks to file it. What is funny about the IRS is that every year I make the resolution of organizing myself better to make the filling easier than the year before, but just as my new year’s resolutions……they dont last to much.

As I go to the kitchen to fix dinner I start to think of the complicated task, what to prepare……. It will have to be something that everyone likes, something made from scratch, a new and different salad so it’s easier to convince the young ones to eat, and  finally what will it be: chicken, meat, fish……..The making of this food should not take anymore than 40 minutes or else I will be late for my dancing class. Oh and another condition is not to make a big mess because I like my kitchen looking as the first day I moved into my new house: like new.

At this point I sit for a minute and start dreaming of being the Bewitched with her magical powers.  If I had the magical powers, I’d  … I’d oh my gosh I do not even know what I would do…. The problem here is how I really dont have the time to dream of what I would do with my magical powers…I could think of what to do for my kids in a second, for my husband, for my parents, sister, brother and so on….. But not for me! Oh well It’s getting late and I have to make dinner I’ll leave my dreams for later once again.